Monthly Archives: January 2011

How does a widow know whether the husband she is burying is going to heaven or hell?……..Widow’s peak. How does she know whether he was wearing a toupee?…. Widow’s peek.

When Mozart’s wife irritated him he had a difficult time composing himself.

The obituary says the guy flew B-17s. It made me wonder whether there is a B-1. If not, there should B-1.

I know a guy we nicknamed “The Human Garbage Can.” He would eat anything. He had a real problem with waist management.

My ambition is to own a valet service staffed entirely by women. I intend to title the company, “Valet of the Dolls.”

I put my groceries in the car. When I got back the corned beef was gone. Truncated.

With every technological advancement there is a downside. When Benjamin Franklin harnessed electricity there were strings attached.

If you eat too much corn on the cob it makes you husky.

The atlete checked into the mental hospital for the third time after his coach criticized him for his level of commitment.

My wife left a $20 bill in the wash. I had her arrested for money laundering. She did not appreciate my dryer sense of humor.